NLP - Perceptual Positions

Whenever I ask someone if they consider the point of view of others when making decisions or when dealing with challenging situations, they invariably say yes.  Indeed, some, people give a look of absolute incredibility,  seemingly amazed that I could even ask the question.  Nevertheless, when we examine a little deeper, we frequently find that people only process the perceptions of others in, at best, a superficial manner.

“So what!” you may ask, why does it matter?  Well it matters greatly because when we enter any situation, be it dealing with an uncomfortable relationship with a student at school, a colleague at work, your boss, a family member or whoever, our understanding of that relationship is dependent in large part on the perception we have of it.  If we only experience things from our own point of view we miss out on a wealth of information, information which may give us a richer, fuller perspective, one which gives us a greater level of understanding along with more choice and flexibility.  From such an enriched perspective we can find ourselves able to deal more positively and successfully with situations.

The process that allows us to examine situations more fully is known as Perceptual Positions, or The Meta Mirror, and essentially it involves exploring a relationship from several perspectives.  At its simplest level there are three key perspectives:-

First Position – you saying exactly what you think and you feel about the relationship.

Second Position – the other person in the relationship, where you take on the characteristics of the other person.  Here you (as far as you are able become the other person and say exactly what, as them, you think and feel.

Third Person – the observer.  Here you examine the relationship from a neutral, non emotional position.

This is a very powerful process, which has been used by both staff and students to assist in more successfully managing what had been, or in some cases had only appeared to be, very challenging relationships.

What staff have to say:

"I know now that I am more effective in my role and specific examples I would give to support that view would be that in the de-escalation of challenging behaviour, I think the notion of being able to take a second and third position has helped me enormously. I have also been able to help young people do that and it gives them an oppportunity to see things perhaps in a way that they had never considered before and that is very powerful" - Alan Baker, Vice Principal

"...it just made me more confident and the fact that i felt more confident then gave her (student) confidence because I wasn't worried, nervous or anxious" - Stacey Miles, Senior Teaching Assistant